


Sometimes the Wins Outweigh the Losses

by Chaos_Valkyrie



Series: Agent O [5]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: -inators, Enemies to Friends, Family Feels, Frenemies, M/M, Pigeons, Slow Build, Sometimes its good to be bad, or vice versa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-02 23:17:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6586870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaos_Valkyrie/pseuds/Chaos_Valkyrie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been just over three months of familial bliss, and now that it was mid-April, the boys could take their inventing back out into the backyard. Heinz was currently stretched out in the most perfect patch of sunlit grass when his wrist communicator beeped. He peeked over at the boys where they were hovered over their newest set of blueprints, then slowly rolled over and snuck towards the house.</p>
<p>A short ride and grappling hook later, Heinz dangled from the ceiling with a steel manacle around his ankle. Doctor B, impeccably dressed as always in black slacks and open-collared black button-down, white lab coat gleaming, grinned at him, and all was still right in the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes the Wins Outweigh the Losses

Heinz had the best host family ever. 

Eat that, Peter the Perfect Panda.

His boys were brilliant. Stupendously, amazingly, brilliant.

Light of a thousand tiny suns brilliant.

To say that Heinz adored them was a vast understatement.

They were everything he had wished his own childhood to be. Intelligent and adored and appreciated for everything they brought to the table. Every week, around their school hours, they’d lay out some new ingenious blueprint on the desk in their bedroom, and then go all out science on it. Heinz made sure to be there to witness their brilliant thought processes, laying on the bed and chirping or purring at all the right moments.

Usually, they’d just scratch him on the chin and carry on, but he liked to encourage where encouragement was due. 

It had been just over three months of familial bliss, and now that it was mid-April, the boys could take their inventing back out into the backyard. Heinz was currently stretched out in the most perfect patch of sunlit grass when his wrist communicator beeped. He peeked over at the boys where they were hovered over their newest set of blueprints, then slowly rolled over and snuck towards the house.

Using the paw-scanner hidden in the birdhouse, he dropped down into one of the many chutes that led down to his lair under the house. Pulling on his hat, he hopped into the chair of his M.M.M. (Major Monogram Monitor), awaiting instruction.

“Agent O,” Monogram began at once. “Pigeons have been disappearing from the downtown area. We can only assume that Doctor Platypus is somehow involved. Go find out what he’s up to, and put a stop to it!”

Heinz saluted the Major, then ran for his hover car and took off.

*****

A short ride and grappling hook later, Heinz dangled from the ceiling with a steel manacle around his ankle. Doctor B, impeccably dressed as always in black slacks and open-collared black button-down, white lab coat gleaming, grinned at him, and all was still right in the world. 

You know, except for all that blood rushing to his head. And the massive flock of pigeons settled all around him.

Doctor B busily signed something about conditioning the pigeons to attack some press conference the mayor was holding the park… Heinz only half paid attention, it was hard to translate all the signs properly upside down. The only thing Kevin had on Doctor B was his love of musical numbers. Heinz did so love a good musical number. He could imagine the pigeons cooing along now, maybe with little hats and canes…

Waitaminute. 

‘You trained the pigeons to poop on the mayor,’ he signed to Doctor B, who paused mid-rant and rolled his eyes. He also suddenly seemed to realize how difficult it was to read signs upside down, because he lowered Heinz to the floor with a narrow-eyed, ‘no funny business now’, expression on his face.

‘Weren’t you paying attention? Yes. He’s announcing the city’s new plan to poison the pigeons in the park, to prevent their overpopulation. And this is how we’re protesting,’ Doctor B signed. Heinz snorted, and Doctor B looked put out.

Truth was, Heinz didn’t like the mayor. Not at all. And yes, he did know full well just who Roger Doofenshmirtz really was – not that he had told anyone else of their connection.

He had gone with Monogram to a top secret meeting with the mayor years ago, as a representative agent. He’d jumped at the chance, surprising both Monogram and Carl with his enthusiasm. He had done the research and discovered that this Roger Doofenshmirtz was his little human brother! Born and raised in Drusselstein, moved to Danville with his parents when he came to attend the local university. And now mayor! He had quivered with excitement like a kit… he could have a family again!

And then he actually met Mayor Doofenshmirtz, and that fragile bubble shattered instantly. The man was his parents’ favorite, which didn’t surprise Heinz in the slightest, but he was spoiled and arrogant because of it. And his remarks about Heinz’s pelt and the stories he shared of hunting ocelots with his father as a boy in Drusselstein obviously horrified him as well. Even Monogram was appalled by the man’s lack of subtlety. 

And now Doctor B was going to humiliate him in front of his entire city…

This really was the best day ever.

Doctor B had finished ranting and now stood in a fighting stance, gesturing at Heinz to make his move. Heinz just looked him in the eye, then prodded at the clamp around his ankle a few times before falling over, his forearm draped over his eyes.

“Rwor,” he wailed pathetically, shaking his foot feebly a few times before obviously acknowledging the trap was just too difficult to break free from. 

He heard a snort, and peeked out from under his arm to see Doctor B standing above him, arms crossed, looking amused. Even a few of the pigeons were giggling.

‘Can’t break free, can you,’ Doctor B signed sarcastically, a hint of a grin at the corner of his mouth. 

Heinz grimaced in pain, rattling his foot a few times, before flopping over again. “Rwor,” he yowled in distress, covering his head in defeat. Doctor B snorted more loudly this time, then blew a whistle. Heinz heard the flock take off in one huge whooshing cloud, then listened as the man walked over to the balcony rail overlooking the park.

Heinz never picked a lock so fast in his life. Within seconds, he sat at the rail next to the doctor, ears flat as he peeked over towards where the mayor’s podium was set up, his tail twitching in excitement.

He heard a chuffing noise, and looked up to see Doctor B laughing almost silently as he gazed fondly down at Heinz. Heinz grinned back and started purring, causing the Doctor to smile widely as they both returned their attention to the park, just as the pigeons reached their target.

The resulting screams of terror and disgust, as all hell broke loose, was music to Heinz’s ears.

Seeing his jackass brother covered in pigeon goo was Christmas come early.

A hand scratched behind his ears fondly for a moment, and he leaned into it briefly before they both jerked away, eyeing each other a little awkwardly now

Heinz shook himself a little bit, looking at Doctor B, who had a bit of color in his cheeks.

‘Same time next week,’ Heinz signed to cover up his own awkwardness. The Doctor nodded, so Heinz took this as his cue to grab his hat and leave.

Despite that – what was that – at the end, Heinz still thought, as he rode the elevator back down to the ground floor, ‘Still best day ever.’

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, Heinz isn’t totally Good… but I’ve never been fond of Roger, and while the poop-intaor isn’t my favorite Inator in general, it does have fantastic potential in the hands of Doctor B. 
> 
> Next time is all cracky-fluff. Wait for it.


End file.
